I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
