I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
