I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
