Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
