That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
