I bet he comes in French.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
