I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
