yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
