the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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