This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
