just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
