lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
accomplished twins. life is a go
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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