Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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