Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
