when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
