I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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