Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He passed out mid-signature
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
