My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
