Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
