I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
