There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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