Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
