just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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