He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
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Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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