xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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