her vagine was all disorganized.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
