my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
