so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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