eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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