Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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