No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
