i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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