Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
