It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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