.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
