I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
