he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
