Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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