Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize