the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Pooping to opera.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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