it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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