About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
soo... how was my night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
