I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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