I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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