How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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