Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
