i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
