Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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