So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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