you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
