so explain again why im purple
no
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
