We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
