I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
