I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
