We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
