he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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