I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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