im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
