TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
