im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
