i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
