yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
