I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
