Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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