I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
