There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just invented taco cereal.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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