somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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