Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
