he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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