Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
